How do I get my libido back?

Often libido issues are not purely physical. Stress is one of the most common reasons a woman’s libido plummets, experts have said. Low...


Often libido issues are not purely physical. Stress is one of the most common reasons a woman’s libido plummets, experts have said. Low libido can also stem from issues with energy and sleep, body image, relationship quality, gender inequality, and other concerns.

“I would encourage people who complain of low desire and those who hear complaints to think about all the influences that exist on desire, including and beyond the inner bodies,” said Sari van Anders, professor who studies sexuality and testosterone at Queen’s University in Ontario. . “Desire doesn’t just come from an impulse in our body, it reflects and responds to all sorts of situations in life and society.”

Review item written last year by Dr. van Anders, Dr. Brotto and others suggested that four factors, each influenced by societal expectations of women, contribute to the low sexual desire felt by women in heterosexual relationships. These are inequitable divisions of domestic labour, the tendency for women to take on the role of caregiver-mother with their male partners, the emphasis on a woman’s appearance rather than her own sexual pleasure – all of which can depend his own feelings of desire on his perceived desirability. – and the gender norms that influence the partner who initiates sex. For example, women are generally not socialized to initiate sex or prioritize their own pleasure, and they may feel uncomfortable experiencing or initiating pleasure unrelated to penetrative intercourse.

The paper also noted that “low desire” can mean different things to different people. Some people crave sex more than others and it is normal for sexual desire to fluctuate over the years. Experts suggest asking yourself: Are you dissatisfied with the amount of sex you crave? If yes, why?

“Low erotic desire is not a problem on its own unless and until partners, health professionals, media and/or culture make it one,” Dr. van Anders said. “A promising path consists in considering that a weak desire itself can think a problem, for those who are not asexualrather than being a problem in itself.

For example, some women may worry not about their own lack of desire, but about a mismatch between their libido and a partner’s higher libido.

“If their divergent desire is creating a problem for the relationship, then a couples sex therapy approach is warranted,” Dr. Brotto said.

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