What does it mean to dream of an ex?

If you slept, you may have dreamed about an ex and woke up wondering: this everything on?” The good news for chronic analyzers: an int...


If you slept, you may have dreamed about an ex and woke up wondering: this everything on?”

The good news for chronic analyzers: an intense dream of someone you cared about months or even decades ago doesn’t mean you secretly yearn for them. Deirdre Barrett, dream researcher at Harvard University and author of “Pandemic Dreams” and “The Committee of Sleep,” who holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, said that a number of factors can cause an ex-partner to dream.

“Triggers can include the anniversary of a death, a breakup, or a divorce decree,” she said. “But dreams can also be a reaction to how we feel about our current relationships.”

Instead of seeing ex dreams as a sign that you’re still clinging to them or a cue to seek them out on social media, Dr. Barrett said to view them as a chance to examine your current emotions and how you are. face them.

“The very idea that we’re dealing with deaths or ruptures in an ‘all or nothing’ way is misleading,” Dr Barrett said. “Life is a continual ‘surpassing’. These things never completely go away.

Here, experts including Dr. Barrett analyze the findings of three such dreams. To protect the privacy of both parties, we only use first names for dreamers and do not name their exes.

Andrew, 47, had been divorced for three years when he had a dream about his ex-wife who marked him. At the time, Andrew, who is now in another relationship, was considering reaching out to his ex, who he had been married to for 10 years, to make it up.

In the dream, he was meeting his sister at his parents’ house for dinner, and they arrived to find his ex-wife in the backyard, calmly sitting at a picnic table. He and his family then walked into the house and looked out a window at his ex-wife.

Andrew said he woke up feeling like he’d “dodged a bullet” and then decided contacting his ex would be a bad idea.

The fact that Andrew’s dream provided enough insight to change his course of action, Dr Barrett said, supports what is commonly referred to as continuity assumption: A theory that anxieties in our dreams may mirror those in our waking life.

“He said he thought it might be reasonable and even enjoyable to start dating his ex from time to time,” she said. “But something in his dream made him abandon that plan.”

Ian Wallace, a psychologist in Inverness, Scotland and author of ‘Decode your dreams: unlock your unconscious and transform your waking life’, was struck by the placid images: the calm face of Andrew’s ex and the picnic table -nice.

“The picnic table could symbolize that he now has the opportunity to make things easier and more enjoyable,” he said.

Five years after Zach, 31, broke up with his on-and-off girlfriend of three years in 2014 over long-distance dating issues, he dreamed they were meeting at what Zach described as an “academy of magic”. like the one in the TV series”magicians.”

The two were on a large lawn, and Zach heard an old phonograph playing what he said was a love song in the distance. He started tap dancing, hoping his ex-girlfriend would see him, but she had fallen asleep on a blanket.

Later he was in a room inside the academy. “All rooms are locked with a magic spell that can only be broken by the room’s occupant,” Zach said. When he heard a knock on the door, he opened it to find his ex-girlfriend inside.

Zach, who is in another relationship, said he rarely dreams of his ex-girlfriend and woke up wishing he was in magic academy.

According to Dr. Barrett, “every room being locked with a spell that only its occupant can break” may be associated with the problems Zach and his ex faced while dating long distance. That Zach woke up wishing he was at the academy might suggest an openness to reconnecting. “I wouldn’t be surprised to see this dreamer give her” another chance, she says.

The mystical quality of the dream, Mr. Wallace said, suggests that Zach is looking for a perfect relationship. “In waking life we ​​can sometimes fool ourselves with wishful thinking as we try to idealize a romantic relationship rather than commit to the practicalities,” he said.

Just at the start of the pandemic, Justy, 34, said she started having one to two dreams a month about her ex-husband, whom she divorced in 2014 after two years of marriage.

In a dream, Justy, who is currently single, arrived at a hotel in the area where her ex grew up. There she found out that he was going to marry someone else. Soon she was surrounded by family and friends, who told her they wanted him and her to remarry. Then Justy and his ex were somewhere else, alone. He held her in his arms and said he wanted to be with her.

Justy said the dream stayed with her because of how emotional she was, despite the fact that she and her ex-husband no longer share romantic feelings.

“I think a big part of why these dreams started during the pandemic is that there’s this nostalgia for when I was married,” she said. “I really liked where my life was and where my career was going.”

The past two years have changed so much in our lives that past relationships may have added appeal because new ones are harder to imagine, Dr. Barrett said. The dream may be more of nostalgia for a time that her ex represents, rather than the person themselves.

“Past relationships can have added appeal because brand new ones are harder to initiate right now” because of the pandemic, she said.

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