Trump Says Nation Will Have Vaccine Before It Sees His Taxes

WASHINGTON ( The Borowitz Report )—Making a solemn promise to the American people, Donald Trump vowed that the nation will have a coronav...


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Making a solemn promise to the American people, Donald Trump vowed that the nation will have a coronavirus vaccine before it sees his tax returns.

“People are saying that it takes a long time to see a vaccine,” Trump said. “I say, not compared to how long it will take to see my taxes.”

Trump said that while there was a chance that Americans could have an effective coronavirus vaccine by the end of the year, the chance of their having a glimpse of his tax returns by then sits at zero. “Those are fantastic odds in favor of a vaccine,” he beamed.

To insure that the nation gets a vaccine before it gets his taxes, Trump said he was launching an ambitious initiative called Operation Infinite Delay, to slow the disclosure of his taxes to a dead halt.

“Eventually, my taxes will just go away,” he predicted.

At the National Institutes of Health, Anthony Fauci was asked for his assessment of Trump’s forecast that a vaccine would be released before his taxes. “This might be the first scientifically accurate thing he’s said,” Fauci commented.

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Newsrust: Trump Says Nation Will Have Vaccine Before It Sees His Taxes
Trump Says Nation Will Have Vaccine Before It Sees His Taxes
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https://www.newsrust.com/2020/05/trump-says-nation-will-have-vaccine.html
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