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My life in sex: the man whose wife sleeps with the gardener | Life and style


My wife and I emigrated several years ago when she was headhunted for a top job. We met at university and had a similar status in the UK, but the move made her much more professionally successful than me. We have a fantastic life here, and have had two children since moving. However, the small community, and the repetitiveness of expat life, can make things dull. Last year, my wife started an affair with our gardener, partly to relieve her boredom.

At first I was oblivious to their relationship, and when I eventually found out I surprised myself by not being angry. I could tell she was more fulfilled emotionally and physically, and I was happy about that. What makes it easier is that I really like my wife’s lover. He is often at our house working on the garden, and we usually have a few beers together when he is finished. When he and my wife need some time together, I look after the kids.

The arrangement has improved my sex life with my wife immeasurably. I think it has helped to redress the power imbalance caused by her work, as I am able to show how secure I feel as a husband and a man by approving of the situation.

However, my wife is now pregnant, and I can’t be sure if the baby is mine. I will love it either way, but I’m concerned that if it’s not my biological child, it will be obvious and cause people to judge us. I hope we are strong enough to survive this.

Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@theguardian.com

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