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Who are Trump's Shortest Political Allies: An Analysis

Donald Trump, Lindsey Graham

President Donald Trump continued attacking Mike Bloomberg Thursday morning, coinciding with the former New York City mayor’s rise in the Democratic primary polls.  In what can fairly be called an increasingly sophomoric bit of rhetoric — or more accurately, a playground taunt — Trump ridiculed the stature of the Democratic hopeful, calling him “Mini-Mike” and falsely claiming that he is only 5′ 4″ in height.

But the crack research team at Mediaite HQ took a deep dive into the reported heights of a number of members of Trump’s political inner circle, and in fair warning, they found results that may very well astound and amaze you.  The extensive research started with Googling “how tall is X” then reading the height listed. Some may take issue with the science behind the research, but you’ll find that it does comport with Newton’s Third Law of Needing Content.

And yes, we took some liberties with the strict definition of “political pals” but since words have no intrinsic meaning, what even matters anymore, amirite? Following are the listed heights of a number of Trump’s current and former friends and political allies that are the same height, or even (gasp) SHORTER than Mayor Mike Bloomberg:

Rand Paul – 5′ 8″

Like much of the establishment GOP, the Kentucky Senator had been at odds with President Trump, until he wasn’t. There was a golf outing at a Trump-owned golf course in the D.C. area that seemed to sway Mr. Paul, but for reasons that have gone unreported, Paul’s relatively diminutive size (the same as Mayor Bloomberg’s) has not turned Trump off to the important Congressional ally.

Lindsey Graham – 5′ 7″

Lindsey Graham Dismisses GOP Concerns About Iran Briefing

The one-time super vocal critic of President Trump’s has truly turned into a top Trump toady, at least in the Senate. And given how little the commander-in-chief apparently thinks of people based purely on height, it’s surprising that the South Carolina senator has reached the heights of influence within the White House that he has.

Stormy Daniels – 5′ 7″

It’s not accurate to say that the adult film star is part of Trump’s inner circle, though if reports are correct, Trump may have been a part of her inner circle while his wife Melania Trump was tending to newborn Barron. Daniels stands at a relatively tall 5′ 7″, which makes her shorter than Bloomberg, but no less a presence under Trump’s skin.

Kim Jong Un – 5′ 7″

President Trump doesn’t care if the North Korean Supreme Leader is a dictator known for ghastly human rights violations and policies that starve his people — they’re “in love” anyway. So much so that apparently POTUS is willing to overlook the fact that he is shorter than Mayor Bloomberg by exactly one inch. But there has been some speculation in the footwear press that Kim is actually closer to the height that Trump falsely ascribes to Bloomberg, and wears lifts to augment his stature.

Vladimir Putin – 5′ 7″

Depending on the theories and conspiracies you subscribe to, there is a chance that you believe that Russian President Vladimir Putin has a tremendous amount of influence over the Trump administration. In fact, numerous US intelligence agencies (the “Deep State” in some circles) concluded that Russian intelligence interfered in the 2016 election at Putin’s direction. This doesn’t seem to bother Trump much, nor does his diminutive stature, as he checks-in at a paltry 5′ 7″, which is the same reported height as Kim Jong Un.

Sean Spicer – 5′ 6″

The first White House Press Secretary opened his tenure with a bang, when he scolded the assembled press for not reporting Trump’s inauguration as having largest crowd ever PERIOD. He left the post around six months later, and went on to become a reality show star, despite the fact that he is a mere 5′ 6″. To Spicer’s credit, he sent some empathy towards Mayor Bloomberg after the Trump attack, admitting that as a 5′ 6″ guy, “this one hurt.”  Kudos to Trump for putting up with Spicer’s shortness and giving the guy a leg up!

Greg Gutfeld – 5′ 5″

When he’s not scolding the media for what he sees as unfair and opinionated reporting on the media, the co-host of The Five is best known for, well, his often unfair and opinionated reporting on the media. If that sounds like hypocritical bullshit to you, then that’s not all, especially if you cotton to Trump’s assessment of personal value based on height. The pocket-sized pundit seems to hide his tiny stature by spending much of his time sitting behind a desk. One wonders how Trump would REALLY feel about the guy he often praises on Twitter if he knew just how small a man he really is.

This is an opinion piece. The views expressed in this article are those of just the author.

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