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Late Night Thinks William Barr Should Show Up for Work

Category: Art & Culture,Arts

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As promised, William Barr did not show up to testify before the House Judiciary Committee on Thursday. The panel wanted him questioned about the Mueller report by staff lawyers, not just members of Congress, and he objected.

“Barr said he would not attend because of a dispute about the questioning format. Specifically, he didn’t like the part where they asked questions and he had to answer them.” — JAMES CORDEN

“At one point, he tried hiding in a White House closet, but Melania was like, ‘Hey, get your own place.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“You’re the attorney general! You can’t just skip work whenever you feel like it. The only person who can do that is the president.” — JAMES CORDEN

Democrats were not happy with Barr’s decision. One congressman, Steve Cohen, brought a chicken statue and a bucket of KFC to the hearing. He was making a point, but Trevor Noah wondered if he’d just been hungry.

“It could have just been his breakfast, and someone was, like, ‘Oh, is that KFC some kind of political statement?’ [As Cohen] ‘Oh, yeah, that’s what it is. And the drink is because we need to shake things up!’” — TREVOR NOAH

“Man, this confirms everyone’s worst fear. If you don’t show up to a party, the people who do are gonna talk [expletive] about you.” — SETH MEYERS

President Trump hosted a National Day of Prayer breakfast at the White House on Thursday. That amused Stephen Colbert, who says Trump “has never read one word of the Bible before.”

The “Late Show” host found it particularly funny that the president used the occasion to brag about his influence on (as Colbert put it) “this country’s No. 1 spiritual concern: mall signage.” Specifically, Trump took credit for “stores nowadays” wishing shoppers a Merry Christmas again.

“Yes, it’s true. Go to any mall in America right now and it is Christmas. We’re proudly getting ready for our Yule-time cookouts, our Noel fireworks shows, our nativity pool parties, kids selling mulled lemonade!” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Seth Meyers noted that a Christian band had performed worship songs in the Rose Garden, saying it was “nice to know that every once in a while [Trump]’s suffering, too.”

“You already know in amongst all of this that Trump is jealous about all of the attention Barr is getting right now. Do you know what I mean? Trump is like ‘What? Hey, I’ve committed way more crimes than that guy. He covered up my crimes.” — JAMES CORDEN

“Yes, when the attorney general lies to Congress, it is a crime. When the president does it, it is the State of the Union.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Nancy Pelosi and other Democrats calling for Barr to resign

At the Billboard Music Awards this week, Taylor Swift’s live performance of her new single “ME!” was oddly similar to Beyoncé’s 2018 Coachella show (recently released as part of her Netflix documentary “Homecoming”). On Thursday, “Desus & Mero” weighed in on Swift’s marching band, which, they pointed out, had decidedly less rhythm than Beyoncé’s.

In the new Netflix series “Dead to Me,” Christina Applegate and Linda Cardellini form a friendship after meeting in a support group for grieving widows. In a Times review, Mike Hale writes that the show’s creator, Liz Feldman (“2 Broke Girls,” “Hot in Cleveland”), has updated the traditional odd-couple sitcom, counterpointing “the comedy of female friendship with the tragedy of male condescension and predation.”


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